Moving In..

I received a really vague inbox today just simply wanting my thoughts on different aspects of moving in with a mate. So I’ll try and make this short, sweet and to the point.

They say you never really know a person until you’ve lived with them…

I’m still deciding if I agree totally with this statement. At times I agree with it, and then there are times I don’t. I’ll explain.

See, I’ve lived with a boyfriend before. He definitely wasn’t the cleanest person, but he did do his share of cleaning up around our home. I feel that prior to moving in with someone, it’s important to have a grasp of how they are. Don’t wait until you move in with someone to get to know them. Observe their living space. Are there months worth of dishes in the sink? Does their house smell bad? Does their mother clean up after them? Is their room always dirty? Are they OCD? The most important question being IF you had to move into their home as it is today, could you stay there comfortably?

I’d say more than anything you just have to set the standards for your living together. The cohabitation with my boyfriend at the time was an impulsive decision. I was young and I’ll leave it at that. I’m a fan of having goals within a relationship. In saying that I wouldn’t encourage living together because you’re tired of driving across town to each others house or can’t stand minutes apart from each other. I would encourage it if perhaps things are at a monogamous point where moving in would be the NEXT step.

Cohabitation isn’t for everyone. It’s definitely not to be taken lightly and I wouldn’t encourage you to move in with a boyfriend/girlfriend thinking that it’s going to be a roommate situation. There are Responsibilities In Relationships [Refer To Post]. Do well to understand that everyone comes with their own bad habits, even you. Understand that there has to be a level of maturity, respect, and communication.

To take it a step further… make sure everything is in order. You will have bills. Who will pay what? Do the both of your have stability as to where you are actually ABLE to live together comfortably? Where will you live? Take all in things in account. It’s different from having a room at your mothers house and shooting her a couple bucks for the rent… It’s actually real life.

Words of Wisdom: Just be smart about your decision. Don’t be impulsive. Don’t be in a rush to play house. Have all your ducks in a row and then proceed. 

Furthermore, I wish those who are considering the BIG move the best of luck. Those who are already living with their mate feel free to leave some friendly thoughts or comments for others. I hope I didn’t scare anyone away from their decision.

Be Blessed.

Too Comfortable?

Hi there dear readers…

Today’s topic will be fairly quick, I promise. All I have for you today is an example and a few words of wisdom…

Picture a couple; A fairly good couple where the man plays the role as the provider. He’s also a chivalrous gentleman that listens and observes enough to keep a smile on his lady’s face. The lady in the situation always wanted a situation as such and knows that she has it good. In turn she gets comfortable. All the things that her man did that once seemed special, now turns into things that she expects. Almost as if he’s “SUPPOSE” to do it.

Words of Wisdom: There is a thin line that one must be sure not to cross. Taking someone for granted and appreciating; that’s what the line separates. One must always keep in mind that there is NOTHING owed to them ever. One must always understand that they should appreciate good deeds and good things given to them. Understand that just because you aren’t comforted about your flawed actions, doesn’t mean they go unnoticed. Be responsible for yourselves and start appreciating all that comes your way.

“All good things come to an end… but GREAT things.. GREAT things last a while.” -Guru

Furthermore my lovely people.. Be Blessed.

Listening Skills…

Hi Dear Readers,

I shall try to make this post short and sweet, not because I don’t have much to say on it, but because I have TOO much to say about it, and I’d end up rambling on and going off topic i’m sure.

Communication.

The topic today has a focal point on communication.

Listen.

For starters, I feel that listening is a skill. It’s something that you have to learn to do. Moving on, I feel that in order to have a  full-fledged conversation, both parties must be able to communicate. In order to communicate I feel that both parties must have the ability to listen and comprehend what it is that is being told to them. If at all shy of this quality I feel there will be a some turbulence within the conversation as well as a lack of understanding.

See its all quite simple. How will you be able to respond efficiently to what they’re saying if you fail to actually LISTEN to what they are saying.

Listening in my opinion is a unique combination of the following things:

• Hearing the words that are being spoken to you
• Attempting to understand what is being spoken to you
• Responding accordingly to what was said to you, and NOT just responding by saying what YOU wanted to say.

I feel that once those three things are achieved you have mastered the listening side of things. Of course you will not ALWAYS understand; you will not always comprehend what is being told to you. Asking questions and trying to gain that understanding though is all part of listening as well.

To be brief, this topic came to me during a conversation I was having with a young man that wasn’t quite listening to the words I spoke to him. I told him my relationship status and was kind enough to provide a goal about my status. He provided me with HIS plans.

Words of Wisdom: Do well to listen to what is being told to you. Not only is it respectful, but it can only be beneficial to your well being to learn to listen.

 

Furthermore my loves, Be Blessed.

Let It Go…

Hello dear readers,

I’ve been inspired once again. I won’t lie, at first, your Guru was somber while thinking about this topic. Once my pen hit the pad though, I became inspired.

February was a very turbulent month for me. Filled with plenty of emotions and decisions. Confrontations with my past and indecisiveness about my future.

After careful consideration, long nights of talking to best friend, and a few tears… I felt what better to do than to let it go and love from a distance.

I mean let it go and love in every aspect there is.

See my lovelies… What I’ve grown to understand is that things in your life are like they are because YOU haven’t changed them. You are still in that blah relationship because YOU haven’t left. You are still at that torturous job because YOU haven’t left. You are bored, lonely and miserable because YOU are allowing yourself to be.

I observed that most of what we allow to remain a burden in our lives are really our comforts in life. They are our fears that we don’t have to confront because we aren’t rattling them.

Let It Go…

Its a harsh reality that everything and everyone in your life today will not make it to your future, and that’s okay.

As your Guru I like to lead by example:

I let go of home. I’m loving Florida from a distance. I let go of friendships and relationships and I will love those people from a distance. I let go of stress. I let go of my hair. I let go of worry and anything associated with the negative.

I will love it from a distance.

‘They’ say if you love something, let it go and if it comes back blah blah blah… PERHAPS they should say, “If you feel something isn’t loving you back, LET IT GO, and THEN see if it comes back”… Better yet, see if you let it come back!

When you genuinely let go of all that dead weight.. When it comes back around see how quick you are to open that door.

Words of Wisdom: In a nutshell dear reader, don’t live alongside things that only bring complaints. Don’t mingle with misery. IF you feel a certain way, don’t ignore your feelings. Don’t smother your happiness with your fears.

Let It Go… I Did.

Furthermore Be Blessed..

No Guarantees…

I had a small conversation a short while back about how NOTHING in life is guaranteed but death. I spent some time trying to argue that statement and for a split second I was making sense. However, aside from the ongoing debate, I could only think about the fact that no matter what I do in life or how well I do it; Now matter the number of experiences I have or what I learn from them. At the end of it all… I die.

Yes, at first this thought sounded VERY depressing and harsh, but it actually inspired me. It inspired me to live how I wanted to live until I can live no more. If all I’m basically doing is living until I pass away, then I owe it to myself to live how I want to live… Happy.

Mold your life into THAT life and live it.

I know it may seem like a big ball of anxiety, but I always say: don’t be afraid to be happy. Whats the worst that can happen? You smile.

I absolutely GET that one wants to live life comfortable and no one wants to live life struggling. I get that. But would you want to be sunk in a comfortable chair watching the WORST movie you could imagine over and over again? Why wouldn’t you want to be on the edge of your  seat watching the best movie ever?

Risk. Take them.

Chances. You have them.

Life. Please live it.

Prior to picking up and moving to Atlanta I used to ask myself, EVEN IF I continue this comfortable life. Even if I’m able to have all my bills paid. Will it be enough to stop my complaining? Will it be enough where if someone asked me if I were happy that I’d say Yes? My answer to that was no, I wouldn’t be able to say that I am happy.

On the reverse side, if I were to take that risk and go about and attempt to mold my life as I’d like it to be… will I be able to say that I’m happy? I had no clue. BECAUSE I had not tried it. I’d never got a taste of the life I wanted to live. I’d only dreamed dreams that would make me happy. I’d only envisioned myself chasing happiness. I didn’t know if the final product would make me happy, I still don’t. BUT I know that my chasing my dreams and goals makes me happy.

I feel that for me, before I took the risk of moving. The hardest thing was not knowing what would happen. I used to get anxiety when I didn’t know. I’ve realized though that I do know. I believe in myself to know that what I want will come to pass, and even at the end of the day if I never become this famous writer, at LEAST I spent my time attempting something productive. At least I will be able to say that I lived and not only existed.

Words of Wisdom: Gather a Plan A. Stop worrying about your current life so much. Don’t stress over it or anything else. Develop a plan for the life you want to lead. If it’s a job that you want, apply for jobs that you want. If you don’t want to work for anyone, PLAN to be the BOSS of the job you want. Whether its saving money as cushion. Whether its quitting the job you have to pursue your long-term goals. 

I get that people feel you have to be smart about life. I get that people don’t want debt, or challenging situations. Life is a challenge though. Life is all about the risk that we take. I always say to myself, I have a few things I owe, BUT once I get to where I’m going, I’ll pay them off.

I go back to what my friend boy said… “NOTHING is guaranteed in life, but death”

…and I get inspired.

No Means No…

Hey there my fine readers…

“No”…

This word may be one of the simplest words that I know. Even though in about a thousand languages its pronounced the same, it may also be the most misinterpreted word I know as well. I very much so dislike being told no. I used to think that “Yes” was just SO much better, and at times it is.

However, no means JUST that… No.

For instance, say I invite a friend somewhere. “Hey Jane Doe, want to come out with me?”. People do really well to explain themselves. Why? Because a simple ‘no’ would come of HIGHLY offensive right? BUT even though people explain themselves, it translates as something totally different. Even if someone were to answer “No thank you, I’m really tired”.. one may translate it as “No, I don’t want to hang out with you tonight”.

My point. STOP reading into the answer so much. If NO isn’t enough for you, then ask another question that will bring about a most efficient answer. Don’t assume the details as to why they said no.

On the reverse side; don’t be afraid to say no. “No” may be the single most discouraging word I know. As well, one of the most powerful. I feel that sometimes people feel that they’ll be hurting feelings, or disappointing people, and I’m here to say that you probably are. However, after all is said and done, if you’re not doing what you want to do, then why are you doing it. 

Don’t mold yourself into a resentful yes man. Don’t get in the habit of not being able to take control of your decisions. Don’t be afraid to say NO.

No Means NO…

Plain and simple.

NOW>>> I have an exercise for those of you whom can admit to not knowing how to say no, or for those of you who shy away from it because yes brings happier faces.

EXERCISE:

Required Materials: Pen & Paper… [Anything you may do entry logs on] i.e. Smartphone, computer, notepad etc.

Directions: 

Go about your day just as normal as you would. I want you to make note of all the things you did throughout your day. Whether it been a tiny favor or a big one. Whether it was handing someone a napkin or opening a door. List ALL the things that people asked of you today.

Once you are settled in for the day, review your list of good deeds, favors and tasks. Next to each jot down if you REALLY wanted to do that. 

For Instance: If someone asked you to take them to work. [Write It Down]. Then think. “Hmm did I REALLY want to take them to work? Did I want to say no, but said yes because I felt it was the right thing to do?”

Be honest with yourself and you paper. You are the only one who has to see it. Once you complete your list, review the things that you wanted to say [NO] to, but didn’t. Ask yourself why and assess how it made you feel to really want to say no, but say yes. Assess why you wanted to say no.

Tomorrow, say no. 

*Disclaimer* IF you are all around selfish person, this is NOT the post for you. IF you say no out of spite, revenge or payback, this is NOT the post for you.

Furthermore Dear Readers, Be Blessed..

Don’t Stay…

As always I have these quick thoughts..

Today, my thought is a certain form of encouragement. It gets personal. I feel that a lot of the time we want to get away from the past so much that we fail to revisit and evaluate. See I feel that in life we must learn from the past and grow as individuals. Even in our worst situations we must take time to understand them. It wasn’t until recently that it hit home. You may visit, you may evaluate, you may even reminisce about the past, but you mustn’t stay…

Many of us have a comfort zone. We have things that make us feel safe. Certain things that were once a constant in our life. At times it may feel okay to hang on to it even if only for a moment to regain that feeling that we may be missing.

Don’t Stay…

I encourage you to use your past as your inspiration. Use your past as your catalyst for the future. Use the past to gain an understanding of why things are, but as well an understanding of why things are NOT. Treat the past as a guest in your mind, know that once its served its purpose, it must exit.

Moving on may be the hardest mental state of mind to get pass, but for those whom have experienced and overcame it may be able to understand the brighter side of it. For those whom are still stuck in the phase, I encourage you to gain a grasp of where it is that you want to be in life. Assess where you actually are.. and ask yourself, if you stay where you are can you get to where you want to be?

Don’t Stay…

Know that even today will be the past tomorrow.. Ask yourself tomorrow if you could live another day like the previous. Ask yourself if you could be where you were yesterday.. today.

Words of Wisdom: Its okay to look back on where you were, but don’t linger for long. Do something today that’ll make your future days worth anticipating. Don’t get sidetracked, get inspired to change what you may change.

Furthermore, Be Blessed Dear Readers.